In what can best be described as a break from tradition, where I would normally head out of a Valentine’s Day and score like Pele in front of an open net before ending up in the sack for some sweaty, bouncy ’romance’ – what a great cover – I have accepted the gracious offer from my least psycho ex, Melissa, to head out to the Savoy on O’Connell Street to see a rom-com with her and have dinner in a fancy restaurant of her choosing and my billing afterwards.

I certainly don’t wish people a Happy St. Valentine’s Day unless I’m seeing them – sure it’s not like a national holiday or birthday -but enjoy yourselves, and if you are sitting at home, cause you have no-one or if like Jerky Joe, you’ve got your Xbox but mno girlfriend cos killing terrorists and foul-mouthed American kids was more important, you have my sympathy. I’ll down a glass of Ballygowan Sparkling for you.

God I miss alcohol.